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How To Be Selflessly Selfish

You can't give others what you haven't given yourself.

You can't love another beyond the depth you've learned to love yourself.

You can't take someone past the point of development that you've been able to get to within yourself.

A guide taking you through territory he has not yet explored is just a friend to get lost with.

Nothing wrong with any of these things, just something to be aware of on your journey.

Remember: I~WE~ALL

I before WE ALLways.

This is a concept I learned studying Paul Chek that's completely shifted the way I make decisions in my life.

I used to think that if I just pour myself into everyone else that I would eventually be able to get something back to give myself.

But what I found was that the more I gave others at the expense of my own happiness and well-being, the more others began to expect of me. I didn't have any boundaries (and I didn't communicate them if I did) so there was no boundaries for others to respect.

This left me feeling constantly drained and resentful towards the very people I was trying to help. It was to the point where all I could think about while I was giving myself to others was how much I just wanted to be by myself and not have to talk to anyone ever again.

My selflessness turned into selfishness.

When I learned this concept of I~WE~ALL I finally realized that I wasn't doing anyone any good if I didn't first take care of myself.

You are 50% of every relationship (WE). So to the extent that you're not caring for yourself, you're at a deficit when it comes to what you can give to any WE relationship. If you're operating at 70%, you're only able to bring 35% of the 50% to the relationship. That's 15% you aren't able to give to that person PLUS 15% that that person is not able to access.

If you expand from the WE to the ALL level (3 or more beings), that deficit multiplies.

Realizing this, the more you're able to give to yourself, the more your able to give to everyone else. And, coming from this place, the more you're able to give to everyone else, the more you'll be able to give back to yourself.

Being selfish is the most selfless thing you can do.

What are you going to give to yourself today that's going to help you show up better for others?

Talk soon,

Nathan "I before WE ALLways" Barna

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