What is your highest valure in life?
Is it happiness? Meaning? Freedom? Abundance? Family? Loyalty? Performance? Knowledge? Truth?
If you need some help figuring out what that is for you there's a few things you can try:
1. Check your bank account. We usually spend the most money on the things we value most.
2. See where and with whom you spend the most time and energy.
Once you determine what your highest value(s) is, ask yourself these next questions:
Are my thoughts, words, and actions aligned with those values?
Are the values I'm living out ones that I chose for myself or ones that were programmed into me by my parents, society, school, religion, etc.?
Any gap within either of these questions is where I find the majority of "problems" in life stem from.
For example, if you value living in abundance and yet have a mindset of scarcity -- there's a gap.
If you value family and yet work a demanding job because you feel like you need to make a certain amount of money -- there's a gap.
If you value solitude and independence and yet feel isolated and lonely -- there's a gap.
So how do you close the gap?
First, get clear on your values and decide if those are the values you want to live.
Second, become aware of the stories, beliefs, thoughts, language, actions, and habits that are either reinforcing those values or widening the gap. This is where some outside help (such as a coach/therapist) can be helpful because it can be hard to catch our own blind spots if we haven't yet developed a strong enough capacity for objective awareness.
Third, practice creating new patterns of thought, word, and action that move you into closer alignment/harmony with those values.
Lastly, recognize that even the thought pattern of needing to solve problems in your life is a declaration that there are problems that need to be solved. The whole concept of a "problem" can be dropped if you don't choose to value solving problems. Even the idea that you have to try to do anything (or trying not to try) can be the seed of the challengers you may face.
All problems disappear when there are no problems to begin with.
Closing the gap can be as simple as stepping on to the other side and realizing that there was no gap to begin with; and therefore nothing needed to happen beyond a simple shift in perspective.
Get clear on your values, set your intention, and let what is be what is.
Nathan "Problem-Solver" Barna